The deadbolt wouldn’t latch. It was a door in my house
that I didn’t usually use, but I was quite sure it had been secured when I’d
opened it. I pushed harder with no luck. And then I pushed harder still. I didn’t
have time for this. I braced myself against the opposing wall and gave it a
stronger shove. Still the deadbolt would not budge. I could feel myself getting
annoyed.
What was I doing wrong?
I loosened my grip on the knob and pondered. Then, relaxing,
I allowed the door to come ever so slightly forward. I tried again, and the deadbolt slid easily
into place.
I can’t help but laugh at myself now when I think of this
silly little incident. It was the perfect metaphor of my personality. I push. I never want to appear weak.
Interestingly, I was recently called out on this very
thing by a new acquaintance. He’s been studying me, and he pulled me aside at a
party to share his insight about me. I felt exposed. And, yes, that made me
feel weak and vulnerable.
I know that my family tires sometimes (maybe often) of my
stubborn unwillingness to quit pushing and back down. Would it really hurt so
much to give in sometimes? To let that door swing open just a bit?
I’m not planning
to rewrite my personality. I like who I am. But even at my mature age, I can
see that there is plenty of room for improvement.
If I open my mind a little more, maybe I’ll learn from
other people’s ideas. If I open my heart a little more, maybe I’ll be more
empathetic. If I could learn to relax a little more and to push a little less, maybe
I could allow this new acquaintance to become a friend.
And if I learn to back down and quit pushing, I’ll be
able to allow things to fit themselves into place.
