My Divided Life

Riding home on the bike trail, I looked up at the levee and saw a familiar face. I looked twice and then again. Yes, there she was, walking her dogs with her husband. I happily thought that when I got home, I should send her a message telling her that I'd seen her.

And then I remembered that we weren't friends anymore, and I felt sad.

The last time I'd heard from her, I was sitting in my car in the parking lot waiting for her to show up for our lunch date. I was a few minutes early. And then my phone range, and she was on the other end making an excuse about a contractor and saying that she would call back to reschedule. That was years ago. I'm still waiting.

We used to go for long walks, or we'd sit and talk while our kids were at practice. We met for lunch. We seemed to have a lot in common. What happened to our friendship?

I remember exactly when it started to fade. The day she first seemed a little cool to me.

I'm an actress. I was telling her about a particular job I'd had. I'd done a commercial in which I gave a testimonial for a product. At first she seemed interested, and then she asked what the product was. "I don't know," I said.

She looked at me indignantly. "How can you give a testimonial about something if you don't even know what it is?" she asked.

I attempted to explain to her that most of those commercials use actors. That's what acting is. I mean, really, the Skipper and Gilligan weren't really lost, Flo doesn't sell insurance (well, she does in a way), and Meryl Streep can't possibly be both a Holocaust survivor and the prime minister of Great Britain, now can she?

As I spoke to her, I saw the look on her face shift from indignant to disinterested to distant. And that was the beginning of the end of our friendship.

I have many friends in the acting community, and we can bond over discussions of  "being in the moment" or that very awkward love scene. But I've learned that with non-actor friends, it's best to use caution with those topics. I've learned to watch for queues on a person's face (actors had better be good at that) and recognize when it's time to change the subject.

So, to my actor friends, thank you for being a part of this crazy process with me.

And to my non-actor friends, I hope you understand why I don't always like to talk about this other life that I lead.